bad advice without nutritional value

Spent a lovely day in Hometown, Kansas, celebrating my cousin’s marriage to a wonderful guy, partying with my family, drinking sangria like water, running into a friend from high school whose fiancé is friends with my new cousin, etc.

And then, at the end of the night, the very sweet het-married-with-children minister who did the ceremony, um, hit on me? Which I only cottoned onto after the fiftieth “No, seriously, you’re BEAUTIFUL, do you know you’re SO beautiful?”, during the extremely long and incredibly close hug during which I made alarmed “I don’t even know” faces at my parents, and before she repeatedly stroked my hair and kissed my face while I said good night to my uncle.

I THOUGHT SHE WAS GIVING ME PASTORAL ADVICE. WITH EXTREME PASSIONATE EYE CONTACT + INEXPLICABLY DISSING MY BOYFRIEND. I DID NOT REALIZE SHE WAS THAT DRUNK.

I haven’t been this uncomfortable around a religious leader since… well, a lot of junior year. Oh, church house, I don’t miss living in you. I do miss my housemate, of course.

GUYS THAT WAS SO WEIRD. AHHHH. AAAAHHHHHHHH.

First I dreamed that I was trying to talk to my ex-boyfriend. It’s a repeat of a dream I used to have a lot about a year, year and a half ago. He denied and downplayed everything. But this time I had a breakthrough. “You’re Hugo Schwyzer,” I told him. Meaning: Fuck you, you’re Hugo Schwyzer.* I told him that if he actually tried to become Hugo Schwyzer, I would destroy him.

And then the dream shifted, and I was on the phone with J.K. Simmons, pitching my novel. He really liked it! “This sounds great,” he said. “It sounds like that new horse novel** that’s getting all the awards.”

And I woke up confident and excited and needing to write write write, a feeling I haven’t had in a long time. Something switched in me. 

I mean, who are you going to listen to? Hugo Schwyzer, or J.K. Simmons?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

*Hugo Schwyzer is a piece of shit “feminist” “writer” who’s not worth anyone’s time. He gets published and Taken Seriously on mainstream white feminist sites like Jezebel because omg a male feminist how RADICAL, but he has a long history of abusing women (which he talks about! how BRAVE!) and being racist and just generally being really gross overall. Whatever, you can google him, but a better use of your time is to just avoid the shit out of anything by Hugo Schwyzer.

**The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls, by Anton DiSclafani. I haven’t read it yet, but it fills me with alumna pride.

confusedtree:

The majority of the occurrences that I as an Indian person have been told by white people to “go back where [I] came from” have taken place on public transit after school and even more often when I was in college after classes were over which is really weird, because… where else would I be going? 

“Go back to where you came from”

Yes I’m trying to do just that but my stop’s not for another twenty minutes or so

So my bf R has an obviously Spanish name, because he is from Latin America. He is Latino and white. WHAT HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE????* Educate yourself jfc that’s not the point of this post. The point is, he looks like every other 20-something white dude with stylishly nerdy glasses in NYC. (Except that he’s the most handsome one! luv u babe!! lol!!!)

He has been varying degrees of unemployed or underemployed for a year or two because The Economy and some staggering bad luck. In that time, he has sent out a million zillion job applications. In the past week, he’s suddenly getting a bunch of responses from employers off Craigslist—fancy restaurants, bars, random personal assistant-type jobs, etc. Why?

Because he started attaching photos of his white face! 

Suddenly, after a year of almost no photo and no responses: one photo and many responses!

Fuck everything, basically.

Also let me publicly apologize for telling him a year ago that his name and ethnicity probably wasn’t an issue when job hunting. I’m sorry. I underestimated racism. I forgot that it was 2013 in the U.S. and thus it is pretty hard to overestimate racism.

*Apparently some people have never heard of white Latinos. See: people being pissed off that George Zimmerman was described by NPR and other news outlets as a white Latino, because obviously that’s a term that NPR made up and Trayvon Martin wasn’t murdered because of racism because a dude who murdered a black kid holding Skittles can’t be racist because his mom is Peruvian and therefore omg shut the fuck up.

OUT: not being able to afford an air conditioner.

IN: not being to afford to run your air conditioner.

OUT: not being able to afford an air conditioner.

IN: not being to afford to run your air conditioner.

ailbhe-leamy:

clavicularity:

osamah:

PRESS J AND THEN SHIFT R

WOAH. 

…you know how everyone’s complaining about how every tumblr update makes things worse? i think i’m gonna have to be the one to say, well played tumblr. well played. 

Option+R, not shift, but clever.

This turns out to reblog whatever you’re looking at or something. So make sure you’re looking at something really embarrassing while you test it.

(via mygayshoes)

I am celebrating my last weekend without class for the next seven years—well, till August—by drinking a sneakily obtained free blended coffee and chocolate beverage and reading Tumblr. Should my afternoon be more magnificent, you might ask? To which I say… COULD IT?